No.13

Edith Piaf, Roger McGough, Bette Midler, Jacques Brel, Dylan Thomas, William Shakespeare, William Wordsworth, Robert Burns, Spike Middleton, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Maya Angelou, Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman, Elizabeth Bishop, Shel Silverstein, Walter de la Mare, Eleanor Farjeon, etc.

Baking of Tarts

E.Y. Milner

Today we have Baking of Tarts. Yesterday

We had Simple Salads. And a fortnight tomorrow

We shall have How to Garnish Cod cutlets. But today

Today we have Baking of Tarts. The viewers

Ogle their screens in a flurry of breathless excitement,

For today we have Baking of Tarts.

This is the plastic mixing bowl. And this

Is the rolling-pin and the board, whose use you will see

In a moment. And this is the transparent oven

Which in your case you have not got. The speaker

Warms to her theme with ardent, unflagging exuberance,

Which in our case we have not got.

This is the strawberry jam which is neatly extracted

With a gentle thrust of the spoon. And please do not let me

See anyone licking his fingers. It is perfectly easy

If you have any jam in your pot. The viewers

Are silent and motionless, never letting anyone see

Any of them licking their fingers.

And this you can see is the lard. The purpose of this

Is to prevent the pastry from sticking. We can smear it

Rapidly backwards and forwards: we call this

Greasing the tin. And rapidly backwards and forwards

The viewers are fumbling for biscuits and spilling their coffee:

They call it ruining the carpet.

They call it ruining the carpet. It is perfectly easy

If your mind is attempting to cope with the cookery expert

While your hands are engaged in juggling with saucers and plates

And trying meanwhile to secure a reasonable share

Of the cheese straws, which in our case we have not got:

For today we have Baking of Tarts.

-o0o-